Why did my racket feel heavy that day?

“This is it, my most awaited moment...” I whispered in silence, wondering why I'm not excited. This is the day where my skills will get tested: Intramurals 2025. Will my hard work pay off, or have I just wasted my time for nothing?

That day I woke up late. Even though our coach reminded us to sleep early, I didn’t listen—and that was my biggest mistake. As I get up on my bed, I move quickly because I’m already late. But the universe is against me. As I searched for my jersey and other things, I couldn’t find them, so I had no choice but to wear my P.E. uniform and some random shorts in my closet.

As I am finished getting ready, I headed to our school— I arrived on time, and as I walked near them, I heard someone say, “Pustahan tayo hindi pa start ‘yong laro iiyak na kaagad yan si Aerich.” All my hard work, sacrifices, efforts? GONE. I thought I wouldn’t be affected by what they said, but I was wrong. Our coach arrived; she said to us, “Mauna na kayo, susunod ako.” So, we did.

We’re now here at the court; you can hear the shuttlecocks echoing loudly inside the court, some are yelling to get rid of their nervousness, and some are already starting to warm up. And, I was there, standing right in front of them, amazed by their skills. Yes, I’m so nervous that time because I know many will watch, especially my older brother, who used to be a champion.

Finally, my time has come; I will now play—I stood there holding my badminton racket so tight that my hands were not just trembling but also sweating already. Before the match started, my opponent said, “Ibibigay ko na sa'yo yung panalo kasi panalo naman na ako sa table tennis.” I didn’t believe her. Also, my coach motivated me and said that I can do it, and she knows that I can. But my response was, “Madali lang po yan, Ma’am... Ipatalo.” Her face was not happy with what I said.

The match started; at first, my opponent was winning, but I knew I would lose, so I chose to get scores—guess what? I can’t do it properly because I was so affected by what someone said. By the time we switched sides, I had already cried. My coach rushed to hug me and many people too; they comforted me, saying that I can do it, just don’t lose hope. I thought I could still do it, but the universe has other plans.

I lost.

I cried for so long, not just because I lost, but because I failed; I failed to bring the success I’ve been wanting. I can see the disappointment in their faces, but my coach didn’t lose hope because, still, there is a battle for 3rd place. Before the match started, I said to my opponent, “Pwede ba na ibigay mo na ‘to sa’kin kasi may place ka naman na sa basketball?” She laughed.

We started, and at first I thought I would finally win because there was so much difference in our scores.

But the tables have turned.

I lost, again.

As usual, I cried again, but I have nothing to do about it.

Until now, I cannot get over it because I know I can do it; I know I can win. We have no choice but to accept it because we will not always win in life and to accept the fact that I lost.

I learned that you need to listen so that you will not regret it in the end. Some people say, “It’s just a game, you’re overreacting.” But for us athletes, it is never just a game. Losing in badminton felt heavier because I loved the sport deeply.

Badminton not only teaches me how to win. It taught me discipline, patience, and courage. But the most important thing is it will tell you that failing does not define who I am as a person.

I cried not to show a sign of weakness, but they were the proof of my passion.

Even though I lost that day, I know this is not the end of my story. I promised myself that I would step onto the court again, not as the player who was broken because I got lost, but as someone who was strengthened by it.

But one question still remains in my mind: why did they allow others to play two sports at once...?