Sleep VS School: I’ll Do It Later.

“I’ll do it later, I will sleep first.” This is my favorite line; at first glance, it may seem harmless—almost comforting. I was always certain of one thing—there would be “later.” A later where I would finally start, will finally focus, and will finally become the version of myself I kept imagining. But the tables will always turn— that “later” I was saying had a way of turning into regret.

My days were always filled with negotiation. I always said “five minutes more,” but that 5 minutes will turn into hours. Each excuse was gentle; it didn’t feel like failure; it always felt like I deserved a pause before the pressure began.

I was the kind of student who always believed that there was enough time. Time to finish the assignments my teacher gave, time to review for my exam, time to finish everything before the deadline is near. But I am also the student who chooses to close my notebook, scroll through my cellphone, and say, “I can finish this on time,” only to end up falling asleep.

My whole night was filled with distractions—random thoughts, dance videos, shopping carts, and also messaging my classmates about how funny the video I watched was. I also play different video games and trash-talk with others in Call of Duty Mobile, Mobile Legends, and Roblox.

My clock didn’t scare me yet, not until I saw the papers lying on my table waiting for me to do it while I was laughing at my phone.

This always happened the same way. I wasn’t careless, I dream big, I always imagined myself being successful, being on top, making my family proud of me. In my story, I was the girl who was focused on everything that I was doing, but in reality, I was always catching up.

The deadline of my work didn’t arrive slowly; it punched me in my face all at once.

From relaxed to restless.

Instant regret filled my room, my hands trembling as I got up as fast as I could to cram my work.

My mind needs peace, but I cannot find the peace that I wanted.

So many “what if” echoes in my room.

“What if I did it first?”

“What if I start early?”

Cramming was the worst; it took my sleep. My room turned into a battlefield, paper around me, pens having no tind already, heart racing, thinking what if I couldn’t finish this on time. That time, I already started not because I am disciplined, but because I was scared I might fail...

“Why didn’t I make this earlier?

Why did I choose my happiness first?” This was the question I repeated so many times while tears began to fall. Morning came, and I’m still not done, but I have to go to school for the sake of my perfect attendance.

I would wake up in my classroom, looking exhausted, carrying my not-so-heavy bag, but the regret made it feel heavy. Sometimes I passed. Sometimes I didn’t. The funny part of this is I know exactly what I am doing, and I am aware.

Because I know I could have done better, that this is not the real me, and that I had more to give. Yet when the new task came, I said again, “I’ll do it later.” It wasn’t that I didn’t learn, it’s just hard to break because it became my pattern every time I had a task to do.

One day, when I had a task to pass tomorrow, I suddenly paused for a long time, not because I would do it again later, but because I realized I didn’t need any motivation. I started to work, to write, to think— it was not easy, yet I tried, and I did it.

“The future depends on what you do today.”  - Mahatma Gandhi.

Now that I’ve learned my lesson, I can proudly say that I am not the old me. Always choose to be eager rather than regret at the end because being the early bird catches the worm.